Friday, May 24th 2013 - 07:45 UTC

Toilet paper shortage is because ‘Venezuelans are eating more’ argues the government

A few hours after the Venezuelan congress voted a 79 million dollars credit for the import of 39 million rolls of toilet paper and other personal hygiene items, the government of President Nicolas Maduro said this was because “Venezuelans are eating more”.

Consumers desperate for rolls of toilet paper

The head of Venezuela’s stats office, INE, Elias Eljuri came up with the argument on revealing that the latest households’ budget poll showed that Venezuelans now “were having three meals a day and even more”.

According to the survey released by Eljuri, “95% of the Venezuelan population, estimated in 29 million, now feed three to four times a day”

The poll triggered an immediate reaction of anger and fits of laughter in the country transformed by the Bolivarian revolution.

On the one side people were furious because INE released the information in the midst of one of the moments of greatest scarcity with supermarket shelves virtually empty. To overcome the situation President Maduro had to negotiate with food chains and distributors the import of food and toiletry.

“The ships to address the emergency of certain items and to build the first month of food reserves are arriving” said Food Minister Felix Osorio, in reference to the daily shipments of an estimated 26.000 tons of food from Mercosur trade partners, Brazil, Argentina and Uruguay.

The fits of laugher were caused because of the government’s arguments regarding the emergency import of food and toilet paper to address the shortage.

“That is why we need toilet paper” was the phrase most twitted in Venezuela since the stats officer came up with the argument.
 

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1 Troy Tempest (#) May 24th, 2013 - 08:09 am Report abuse
”A few hours after the Venezuelan congress voted a 79 million dollars credit for the import of 39 million rolls of toilet paper and other personal hygiene items, the government of President Nicolas Maduro said this was because “Venezuelans are eating more”.

Maduro is full of it!
LOL !!!!
2 LEPRecon (#) May 24th, 2013 - 08:27 am Report abuse
Wow, Venezuelans eating 3 meals a day!

Anywhere else in the world 3 meals a day would be considered normal, but obviously in Venezuela it's considered surprising!
3 Monkeymagic (#) May 24th, 2013 - 09:35 am Report abuse
they have just flushed a big turd away...
4 Britworker (#) May 24th, 2013 - 09:49 am Report abuse
Well after voting in that nutter, they are clearly full of shit!
5 willi1 (#) May 24th, 2013 - 10:01 am Report abuse
one thinks ck is the most crazy in the world - but no - there is another fool even more.
is that because of too much sun in south america?
6 Captain Poppy (#) May 24th, 2013 - 10:02 am Report abuse
It says it all about the country when you have a minister of food. What next a minister of toilet paper? Venezuelan currency would have worked just as well.
7 expbrit (#) May 24th, 2013 - 10:20 am Report abuse
I imagine toilet paper would be quite filling...
8 Faz (#) May 24th, 2013 - 10:32 am Report abuse
#3 Has Timerman been sacked or something?
9 trenchtoast (#) May 24th, 2013 - 11:28 am Report abuse
No loo roll, but he's now taking about handing out weapons to create a “Boliviarian Workers Militia”, with a total of up to two million people. Ach mein Gott!!
10 Mendoza Canadian (#) May 24th, 2013 - 11:32 am Report abuse
A laugh a minute....Venecubans must be so happy...
11 CJvR (#) May 24th, 2013 - 12:22 pm Report abuse
It is good to see the Venezuelans getting a laugh, they will certainly have payed enough for it.
12 Pirate Love (#) May 24th, 2013 - 12:26 pm Report abuse
ironic that a country run on bullshit has no toilet roll.
is this the chavism he promised? its a pity that little talking “chubby” bird halucination didn't predict a shortage of shit roll then his people wouldn't be walking round with leaves in their ass.
13 RedBaron (#) May 24th, 2013 - 12:30 pm Report abuse
So where are they going to put all the toilet paper and contents when it has been used? Will they need to allocate another $ 250 million to build new sewage treatment works, or just pour it all into the sea?
14 MarkWhelan (#) May 24th, 2013 - 01:32 pm Report abuse
They will probably build a sewerage treatment plant. The USA is the country that just dumps it's shit and everything else into the Atlantic.
15 Welsh Wizard (#) May 24th, 2013 - 01:44 pm Report abuse
Maduro has just announced that he intends to arm 2m of the workers in the country, the indea is to generate “respect” between political opponents. The reason for this militia is to defend the country
16 bushpilot (#) May 24th, 2013 - 01:48 pm Report abuse
Can anybody explain why this country never bothered to learn how to make their own toilet paper?
17 trenchtoast (#) May 24th, 2013 - 02:01 pm Report abuse
Don't they grow a lot of corn ? Corn Cobs are supposed to be even better than toilet paper.
18 Pirate Love (#) May 24th, 2013 - 03:14 pm Report abuse
@17, and reusable! communial cob on a rope.....you could be on to something there!
19 reality check (#) May 24th, 2013 - 03:23 pm Report abuse
Take my advice, do not eat the corn first!
20 Beresford (#) May 24th, 2013 - 04:10 pm Report abuse
@17. Should the corn be used as some king of plug!
21 Ayayay (#) May 24th, 2013 - 04:34 pm Report abuse
This is fuhnny because in parts of Africa, they actually generate a lot of poo because fiber. Lots of plant material. So Venezuelans never ate as good as Africàns?

And where are the bidets?
22 briton (#) May 24th, 2013 - 06:45 pm Report abuse
If they stopped all the bullshit,
they would not need the paper..lol.
23 lsolde (#) May 24th, 2013 - 06:48 pm Report abuse
Sounds like a load of crap to me.
24 Pirate Love (#) May 24th, 2013 - 06:54 pm Report abuse
begs the question what were they using for loo roll, answers on a postcard if it hasn't already been used.
25 reality check (#) May 24th, 2013 - 07:05 pm Report abuse
I have no idea what they use, but it makes you think twice before shaking their hands, yukkkk!
26 Britworker (#) May 24th, 2013 - 07:10 pm Report abuse
@24
They are using the argentine 100 peso note, there are thousands of Venezuelans walking around with Peron's head printed on their anus.
27 Pirate Love (#) May 24th, 2013 - 07:32 pm Report abuse
always knew the argentine peso was dirty money, I bet more shit came off the peso than the ass.

that's why those 900000 Venezuelans didn't vote, they put the voting slip to better use and dug the kaka nuggets from the rusty mine.
28 Brasileiro (#) May 24th, 2013 - 07:50 pm Report abuse
Viva a Venezuela! In my next vacation, i will be there! Long live, Brothers!!!
29 reality check (#) May 24th, 2013 - 08:00 pm Report abuse
Do not forget to pack the extra toilet paper, you can wipe the brothers asses for them. Now that is solidarity!
30 Brasileiro (#) May 24th, 2013 - 08:07 pm Report abuse
No problem. The forest rain is rich in NEWS PAPERS!!!!
31 Pirate Love (#) May 24th, 2013 - 09:01 pm Report abuse
@30 the only log you'll be carrying around is the one pushing out of your ass, maybe some sort of holiday diaper would be in order.....happy trails!
32 commonsparrow (#) May 24th, 2013 - 09:31 pm Report abuse
How stupid. What a stupid correlation, more toilet paper=more goings to the bathroom. Have these guys learned any basic science? IF ANYTHING, the Venezuelan people are eating poorly, more than EVER!!!!! More fat, more undigestible grains, more bad water. They are not healthy if they are going to the bathroom more, so there, I have correlated your stupid statement to the facts.
33 Brasileiro (#) May 24th, 2013 - 10:36 pm Report abuse
Sorry man, the british are stupid.....they try divided our land......like devils......
34 reality check (#) May 24th, 2013 - 10:42 pm Report abuse
Lol, you do a pretty good job of that on your own, without our help.
35 Captain Poppy (#) May 24th, 2013 - 10:50 pm Report abuse
#33 Do you have to work at saying stupids thinks or is it genetically inherent? The developed world is not undermining SA....your leaders are doing that.
36 Pirate Love (#) May 25th, 2013 - 12:36 am Report abuse
@33 you should be past bedtime stories at your age...
out of curiosity are you indigenous to the lands you inhabit?? or did your Spanish/Portuguese forefathers divide the land and steal it from the indigenous natives?? either way Britain isn't to blame. look at yourselves.
37 lsolde (#) May 25th, 2013 - 08:25 am Report abuse
@33 Brasileiro,
lf we are stupid, then you must be stupider.
And the malvinistas even more stupid than you.
Together you still haven't managed to steal the Falkland lslands from us.
Hard cheese, old man.
38 Faz (#) May 25th, 2013 - 09:54 am Report abuse
Venezualans have chosen the turd way..... Tony Blair would be proud.
39 reality check (#) May 25th, 2013 - 11:03 am Report abuse
For the duration of the emergency, Venezualans ar only allowed to eat on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Shitting is only permitted on Tuesday's, Thursdays and Saturdays.
Sunday's are optional.
40 Pirate Love (#) May 25th, 2013 - 04:03 pm Report abuse
@39 sounds like a right pain in the ass.
41 Captain Poppy (#) May 25th, 2013 - 06:30 pm Report abuse
#39 I heard it was fat asses on Tuesdays and Thursdays......Saturdays for skinny asses and Sundays was the governments discretion for emergency use only...Maybe this is where the CIA is planning a coupe by planting laxatives in the food and forcing a run on toilet paper.........literally a run.
42 reality check (#) May 26th, 2013 - 02:58 pm Report abuse
The Romans use to use a sponge on the end of a stick, historical fact.

I foresee a problem though, how the hell are you going to keep Maduro still long enough to tie him to the end of the stick?
43 briton (#) May 26th, 2013 - 06:28 pm Report abuse
Apparently they they are so desperate that they have taken to putting images of Sean penn
On the bog rolls just to sell em .lol.
,,,
44 reality check (#) May 26th, 2013 - 07:53 pm Report abuse
All joking aside, 7th oil producing country in the world, a member of OPEC and they do not have enough paper to wipe their asses. This has to be a story from the Twilight Zone!
45 Anglotino (#) May 27th, 2013 - 02:01 am Report abuse
Hard to believe that Venezuela hasn't reached the extremely high technical level of industrialisation to make toilet paper.
46 Captain Poppy (#) May 27th, 2013 - 03:21 am Report abuse
We are talking about a country, an OPEC country with some of the largest proven oil reserves and they can't produce a surplus income from. That's like inheriting a billion dollars and making yourself into a millionaire.
47 lsolde (#) May 27th, 2013 - 07:47 am Report abuse
@42 reality check,
That is why, when camping in the Australian bush, you NEVER use a straight stick to stir the tea in the billy can!
You don't know what its been used for!
ALWAYS use a crooked knobbly stick.
48 Captain Poppy (#) May 27th, 2013 - 06:41 pm Report abuse
Only in SA can you get stories like this to make the news, where eating 3 or 4 times a day create a toilet paper shortage. I am not sure which story is funnier; this one or the one where opposition and CIA is trying to destabilize Venezuela with a toilet paper shortage. How would one do that anyway.......feed them laxatives for a year?

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